Sun, May 18th, 2008 -- 09:14 pm

Studies, and by "studies" I mean "personal anecdotal experience", have shown that Sunday is the worst day to post fanfic. I don't know why this is, but comments tend to be few and far between, with a second wave on Monday morning after everyone's got to the office, had their coffee, and procrastinated doing their work.

And yet somehow I always end up posting on a Sunday night.

New fic, intensely meta, and I'm not sure how well it works yet. I'm considering this a sort of rough draft, and would appreciate people pointing out any bits where they are not fully following the sequence of events, because it's part-fanfic, part-script, part press-release, and part behind-the-scenes interview. Also it invokes both Torchwood and Doctor Who and while you might find it interesting in an objective sort of way if you haven't seen either show, I can't imagine it will be much fun unless you've seen at least Torchwood and know a little bit about the Whoniverse.

On the other hand, please be prepared to release you preconcieved notions about character and plot arc and most definitely casting.

Have I made enough excuses? Oh good.

Title: Second City Torchwood
Rating: PG-13 for language
Summary: When Mayor Daly's special investigation unit, Torchwood, steals Chicago PD Officer Gwen Cooper's crime scene, she decides to find out everything she can about them. But she may get more than she bargained for when Captain Harkness -- who isn't even American! -- sends his errand boy Ian to scare her off.

Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Story Notes

David Tennant has confirmed that he has been cast for a 20-episode season of the new television sci-fi drama, "Torchwood". He is said to play a time-traveling immortal trapped in 21st-century Chicago, who protects the Earth from alien threats with the help of several human companions.

"Torchwood" is set to air in America starting in the fall of 2007, under the executive production of Edgar van Scyoc, best known for taking the helm of American drama Studio Sixty after its disastrous first season and steering it back to success. The show's head writer is Great Britain's own Ellis Graveworthy, a mainstay of European television drama writing for the past ten years.

Sun, May 18th, 2008 -- 01:34 am

R just got home and shanghai'd me to tell me the story of his adventures in Las Vegas.

I'll give you the highlights, shall I?

"So I was standing there like a douchebag, a douchebag in a suit."

"He, seriously, he was with a supermodel, I'd tell you which one if she'd taken off her clothes."

"I didn't know anyone yet so I fell into this pattern of walking purposefully everywhere, as if I was just looking for someone. But I did it strategically."

"So he took me to meet these guys, Larry and Gary, and I thought it was a joke..."

"I had two Manhattans because I couldn't find anything better to do."

"And then he asked me, what's your experience in hospitality, and I started to say I spent a lot of time in clubs but that seemed wrong."

"Is that macaroni and cheese? Can I kill it?"

And then he left again to go to a blues club.

Someday I'm going to write a book.

Sun, May 18th, 2008 -- 12:09 am

It's Saturday night, in the library, with the lead pipe....

Spoilers for Doctor Who episode 4.07: ( The Unicorn And The Wasp )

3a. Okay, it was a funny episode regardless of the excruciating bits. :D

Sat, May 17th, 2008 -- 07:50 pm

I could eat French's fried onions straight from the can, and often have.

I do not often eat them on anything, because most of the things you want to put French's fried onions on are not things I want to eat. Still, I decided to put them on top of my home-made mac and cheese this evening, and that decision had nothing to do with me being out of panko bread crumbs to put on top instead. The traditional topping, as passed to me by the gourmet-chef mother of a girl I dated in high school, is biscuit dough, but that's way too many dirty dishes.

Anyway, I was dubious, but I believe that this is in fact For The Win. It is tasty and satisfies all four food groups (crunchy, oniony, cheesy, noodle).

I am absolutely not going to think about everything that happens to the onion in order to make a can of fried onions. I'd just rather keep the mystery in our romance.

Oh look! Challah for dessert! Come here, you tart.

Fri, May 16th, 2008 -- 05:47 pm

Sugar likes to push his food dish around. This, we knew. Except that they neglected to bring over his food dish with the no-doggy-pushing rubber grip base, so I put some kibble in a large tupperware thing and called it good. I put it next to our front door, and also his water dish, and I went to work.

This evening I came home to find that he had pushed it fifteen feet down the hallway, around a right-angle corner, into the bathroom, around another right-angle corner, and wedged it in between the sink base and the toilet. It took me literally twenty minutes of searching to find his food dish and it was still full of kibble.

I think, I think, that he is fucking with me.

At least he hasn't puked (today), eaten anything he shouldn't (anything at all, apparently), or peed on the floor. So on the balance, he's still the best dog we have sat for in a long time.

Fri, May 16th, 2008 -- 09:19 am

I'm working on a side writing project right now, as a way to unwind, and at this point I'm kind of frightened of the levels of meta I have achieved.

I'm writing fanfic, for a show that doesn't exist, as someone other than me, who also doesn't exist. And at some point in the near future there will be RPS of people who don't exist who are working on the show that doesn't exist...written by people who don't exist.

I'm really not insane. It's just, there's a lot of room in my head where math was supposed to go, and I have to fill it somehow.

Fri, May 16th, 2008 -- 07:51 am

After our rousing game of Mornington Crescent the other day, I decided to see if I could find any recordings of I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, the radio show which so popularised it after it fell into postwar disfavour. I managed to find a torrent download of the entire run of the show, which is pretty impressive considering it's been going since the seventies.

Last night it finished downloading and I listened in on a few episodes. Sugar the Gassiest Dog In The World was over, because his parents are out of town for the weekend and we're dogsitting (Sugar is distinct from That Dog in that he is well-mannered, thoroughly trained, and not in fact a pit bull). Sugar showed his appreciation for my choice of evening entertainment by puking twice within three hours of arrival.

At any rate, I enjoyed the show, because as it turns out I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue is like some kind of demon conglomeration of Quite Interesting, Never Mind The Buzzcocks, and Whose Line Is It Anyway (before Drew Carey got hold of it and turned it into one long gay joke, anyway). It may in fact be the distant ancestor of all of them. Four reasonably witty, urbane men are put in front of microphones and forced to play games they haven't got a chance of winning while being scored by an arbitrary judge who plays favourites. It's all I listened to on the commute to work this morning and I can feel myself becoming more English as I go.

That having been said, their rendition of Mornington Crescent is deeply inferior to the round we just played. From the sound of it they're playing by Universal Amateur rules with the international exception, so I suppose we can't really make the comparison, but it just goes to show that it really is a game of strategy as well as knowledge.

Thu, May 15th, 2008 -- 06:54 pm

*ties incredibly fashionable shoes to the backs of everyone's cars*

Ah, l'amour. There's nothing nicer than a wedding in May, especially if it annoys the fundies.

California has repealed the ban on gay marriages. Go get hitched, you crazy kids, or go get drunk if you already got hitched. GOOD LUCK AND ENJOY YOUR CIVIL RIGHTS! God knows you've earned them.

Video of the steps outside the CA Supreme Court as the decision was announced: here and video of Mayor Gavin Newsom's press conference here. (Thanks eruthros!)

*shoves Ianto towards the DJ table*

Grab someone and dance!

Thu, May 15th, 2008 -- 02:17 pm

The death knell of my youth has sounded.

I went out at lunch today to try and get some shoes, and I ended up picking up some new sneakers instead of new work shoes (I can't fucking win). These turned out to be the sneakers of despair.

One: I had exactly seven minutes to purchase these shoes and I was third in line behind two women. The first was buying a $20 pair of shoes with dimes. The second one was buying two pairs of shoes but wanted one of them unboxed so she could, randomly, put two small plants in the box and pack it with tissue paper from the toes of the shoes. Where did the plants come from? God alone knows!

Two: Just as I was getting over the sensation of being on a really boring drug trip, or possibly watching some lost episode of The Prisoner, the woman behind me said to me, "Oh! Those are nice shoes. Those are the shoes [some sports or possibly cinema star I've never heard of] promotes!"

"Ah," I said, willing the cashier to ring up my shoes faster. "I'm afraid I don't know who that is."

"Well!" and at this point she laid a motherly hand on my arm, which, personal space oh god personal bubble stop touching me.

And then she killed my youth.

"You'll just have to tell your young friends and have them explain it to you!"

Thu, May 15th, 2008 -- 11:13 am

Oh Jstor. Beautiful, sparkling Jstor, searchable database of online academic journals. How I've missed you, my love, my own, my constant companion as I wrote my thesis.

I've just discovered that the company I work for has access to several academic/scientific research databases online, including Jstor, EBSCO, LexisNexis, and...

...wait for it...

...the Oxford English Dictionary Online.

JACKPOT. It's like, it's like an academic's harem on my work computer.

I DON'T KNOW ALL THE WORDS IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, BUT I KNOW SOMEONE WHO DOES! :D

Pococurantism! Foible! Duodenum! Apotropaic!

ETA: I think they added the List By Date function after I graduated. I find it endearingly civilised that "town" is the third oldest word in the English language (following "chiule" and "alder") and I'm sure I'll find a use in Torchwood fic for the fact that "Welsh" is the thirteenth.

Wed, May 14th, 2008 -- 05:00 pm

Dear R,

O NOE YOU DIDNT.

For future reference, it is not okay to give That Girl a key to our flat and imply that she can come over here when you aren't around unless you tell me first. Because I wasn't aware she had a key and while she's a very nice girl I was working on the premise that nobody could get into the flat but me when you were two thousand miles away.

We'll talk when you get home,

Sam.

Wed, May 14th, 2008 -- 12:16 pm

My hands are peeling.

This is not something that ever happened to me before I moved to Chicago, but it happened last year right around this time, weatherwise, when it's starting to get humid out and the snow is officially Gone. Patches of the skin on my fingers and palms start to flake off and let me tell you what an attractive look that is. I look like I'm five years old and allowed white glue to dry on my hands.

VASSAL, BRING ME THE BURT'S BEES.

Also, jack_and_ellis has been updated. Someone asked for more Purva. Turns out, good call! :D

It's interesting, and a lot of fun, to see how Australians are reacting to my depictions of historical-AU-steampunk Australia as someone who's never actually been there. People are very helpful and get very excited when references come up. Lately, of course, it's been links and opinions as regards Canberra, which wikipedia neglected to tell me had not been built in 1871. :D I also had no idea it was such a planned city in a planned location, but I'm faintly intrigued by the Australian idea of "planned". Granted, part of planning is in the shape of the house and its pattern repetition -- all those American suburbs "made of tickey-tackey", all those identical bungalows in Toronto, et cetera.

But, I have a sort of fascination with that form of totalitarian urban planning, so I went and checked out the google map of Canberra and was pretty startled, actually, because it looks from above much like the incredibly convoluted suburb my parents live in, where I get lost constantly because THE ROADS, HOW DO THEY CURVE LIKE THAT. I swear to god one of them defies the laws of physics. Also, you have no idea how close we came to living on Gaylord Drive.

For fascist urban planning, you can't really beat Sacramento, though Chicago will give it a damn good try. Chicago's sneaky, though, because it has a lot of alleys and also Lower Wacker, which has been known to blow the minds of drivers unfamiliar with the city.

In central Sacramento all the east-west streets are lettered, and all the north-south streets are numbered, and the building numbers correspond -- so if you are at 1200 A Street, and you need to get to 1300 F street, you know that all you have to do is go one block east to 13th street and then head south till you hit that bit of the alphabet. I lived just south of Capitol Park one summer and didn't use a map the entire three months I was there.

Tue, May 13th, 2008 -- 05:47 pm

Okay, like eight jillion of you told me about Ashes to Ashes (no Sam? no thanks!) so how come none of you mentioned the American Life On Mars?

I AM THERE. It will either be awesome or awesomely bad, and either way I will totally be there to watch it and possibly roast marshmallows over its flaming downfall.

AMERICAN TORCHWOOD IS NEXT, YO.

Hilarious trailer is hilarious.

Tue, May 13th, 2008 -- 03:57 pm

jack_and_ellis has been updated, so, cliffhanger no more!

You can find the end of Chapter 29 here, and the beginning of Chapter 30 here. Enjoy. :) Clare makes friends, the doctor speaks, and Ellis has a minor nervous breakdown (possibly well-justified).

Mon, May 12th, 2008 -- 07:18 pm

Seriously, guys, that was awesome.

*high fives the entire Cafe*

We are the kings and beloveds of Mornington Crescent. That went over every bit as well as I hoped it would. Plus, Coworker C caught me with the BART map open (he's another California expat) and I had to explain why I was relearning Bay Area transit systems. So I taught the game to him, and he's off infecting the rest of Chicago with it.

Best game ever.

Mon, May 12th, 2008 -- 02:37 pm

*rubs hands together*

It's afternoon, I'm too well-fed to think, and work is slow. Let's play Mornington Crescent! *bright look*

We'll play by Chicago Independent Rules, but as it's the internet I suppose I could enforce electronic tagback exceptions for those outside the Standard Candian Gameplay boundaries. Remember that with Chicago Independent, unlike Chicago Standard, the river matters.

Cermak-Chinatown is the goal, except in reversals. If you need assistance, the appropriate maps are here and here. In the case of a full or one quarter rotation you will need the map located here as well.

NB: Within Standard Canadian Gameplay boundaries, small magellanic clouds are not considered full turn play.

I shall begin; remember this is a multiplayer set and thus you always pass to your left, except when you don't.

Sheridan Red Line!

Mon, May 12th, 2008 -- 12:13 pm

I have had this in my email to do forever and finally was reminded to actually do it...

A while ago I wrote The Rules Of Torchwood Three, a fanfiction "rules list" (which was then expanded into Nicholas Redux, but that's another story) for Torchwood.

Just before the S2 finale, ak_alterego took the Rules and made them into a quite impressive graphic, complete with different handwriting for different characters (I especially like Jack's).

Realising just how cool the image was, she tried it out on a Cafepress T-Shirt. The result is for sale here -- I don't know whether it's selling at cost, but if there are any profits, she's (rightfully) getting them.

It's tough to see the front and back of the shirt in preview, but the graphic linked above will give you a good idea -- it's simply been split in half.

I don't know if anyone wants to proclaim their love of Torchwood's strangeness or my peculiar fanfic via t-shirt, but I thought I'd pimp it out and at least let people know it's out there. :)

Mon, May 12th, 2008 -- 10:48 am

Dear EVERY PERSON WHO HAS COME BY THE DESK THIS MORNING,

Okay, you know what, I realise there's a trash can under my desk, and that you'd like to throw out your coffee cup. But how about instead of bending around my chair and kneeing my ass every single time, you just give me the cup and I'll do it? Because hi there, everyone has a personal bubble and you would be invading mine even if mine weren't vastly larger than yours apparently is.

Love and get your own goddamn trash can,

Sam Starbuck

Sun, May 11th, 2008 -- 10:09 pm

Three Things About Doctor Who: ( 4.06, Title Withheld Because Spoilery )

3a. I know people are annoyed with it but I love the "we're not a couple" running gag, and I will laugh at it every time.

Sun, May 11th, 2008 -- 09:20 pm

I'm pretty sure I do the online grocery dance every time PeaPod delivers my groceries, but it's like Christmas.

I got some groooooceries, I got some grooooceries *grocery dance*

I have corn syrup and baking soda to make honeycomb candy with, and hot dogs for dinner, and onion soup mix for making dip with for the potato chips, and flour and sugar for making challah with, and cream of mushroom soup for making stroganoff.

GROCERIES!