Yahoo web messenger FAILS AT LIFE.

I'm dubbing "M", which is an awesome Fritz Lang flick that has only gotten more relevant as time has passed. But to do this my laptop has to be hooked up to the TV and I can't do anything else, cos otherwise I'll have a recorded copy of M....and of me chatting with someone, surfing my email, and reading my flist.

I'm using my stepfather's computer, which he leaves at home with some regularity, but he hasn't got AIM or YM on it, so I fail at chatting. 'Cause YM's web chat is.....iffy.

So. Er. Sorry to the folks I attempted to message...

In its place, I give you A MIXTAPE. That's right! All the cool kids are doing it.

Commentary post-hack: Mixtape, obviously, is long gone. The playlist was kindly donated back to me, though!

1. Killed By A Flower Billy Mann
2. Dancing In The Moonlight King Harvest
3. Good Time Leroy
4. Always Coca Cola Rockapella
5. Dream A Little Dream Of Me Michael Buble
6. This Heart's On Fire Wolf Parade
7. Black Water Doobie Brothers
8. Tonight Andrew Kerr
9. Why Don't You Do Right Amy Irving
10. Kiss to Build a Dream On Louie Armstrong
11. Just Like Fred Astaire James
12. Portobello Road (Bedknobs And Broomsticks) Walt Disney Records
13. Knockin on Heaven's Door Bob Dylan
14. Ghost Story Sting
15. Three Mantra Chant Buddhist Monks of Maitri Vihar Monestary
16. Like a Prayer (Acapella Mix) Madonna

This one is called "Tunes to Dream On" and it's an hour of songs about dreaming and mysterious things and lazy days, 'cause SPRING IS HERE. I'd post a playlist but I don't have it on this computer. Ahahaha 'cause I am lame.

Stolen from cluegirl. Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

These things rarely work for me, but:

***

How does the world see me?
Let's Do It - Noel Coward
Belgians and Greeks do it / Nice young men who sell antiques do it!
Ded. I am just...ded.

Will I have a happy life?
I Hear The Bells - Mike Doughty
I can hear the bells / Are ringing joyful and triumphant

What do my friends really think of me?
Come On - Tegan and Sara
Tell me what my hands were made for / Tell me who my mouth was made for.
Jeez you guys!

Do people secretly lust after me?
Hi de Ho - K7
Tuesday she fell in love with me / And by Friday she wanted my baby...

How can I make myself happy?
Stop, Children - Buffalo Springfield
It's time we stop children / What's that sound? / Everybody look what's going down...
Paranoia is the path to nirvana?

What should I do with my life?
Live Another Day - Dan Bern
I close my eyes / And live another day / another day so far / From the farms where I grew up
Gee. That's HELPFUL.

Will I ever have children?
Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
Do I really need to quote this one?

What is some good advice for me?
Get a Move On - Mr. Scruff
Jesus, okay, I can take a hint.

How will I be remembered?
Spiderman - Moxy Fruvous
Is he strong? Listen bud! / He's got radioactive blood!

What is my signature dancing song?
Always Coca Cola - Rockapella
TOTALLY.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Portobello Road - Bedknobs and Broomsticks soundtrack
Rare alabaster! / Genuine plaster! / A filigree'd samovar owned by the Tsars!

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Black Tornado - Dan Bern
And every place I go / Is one less place I could call home

What song will play at my funeral?
Who Got the Hooch - Everlast
And the circle speaks so near / The triple truth so very much clearer

What type of women do I like?
Fascinating New Thing - Alice Music Soundtrack
I'm surprised that you've never been told before / That you're lovely and you're perfect and that somebody wants you

What is my day going to be like?
Hoedown - Aaron Copeland
Bzuh?

Grooks!

Fruit grooks are hard.

My favourite tonight is:

Blessed Are The Dumb
You were given a brain that you might think
To speak, you were given a tongue;
But use them in conjunction please
Or if you cannot, keep mum.

Not Like Sherman
Time doesn't march --
If it did, we could stop it.
It quietly slips through our fingers:
We drop it.

Alternates
Between "what is" and "never was"
I much prefer "what could be"
And yet I never err in this:
What could not always should be.

Gas Of Any Kind Discouraged
Daily fruit
(and regular thought)
Are good for the digestion;
However too little or much
(of either)
Makes for a poor reception.

Untitled #12
History is
Important.
That's why the books
Record it.

Taking Things Too Literally
The thought becomes the deed
Says the enlightened Buddha.
If that were really true I'd be
Serving time for murddah.

Advice
Decent writing is a mix
Of spelling, grammar
And native wits.

Common Sense
Common sense is often lauded
But very little used
By people who haven't the uncommon sense
To ensure that it isn't abused.

I'm Going To Kill Her
Efficiency! cries the manager.
She doesn't seem to see
That if she worked more she'd spend less time
Requiring efficiency.

On Having Soda Spilled All Over My Green Cargo Trousers Tonight
aka
The Lovesong of J. Charlie Brown
How come when someone spills the soup
It always spills on me?
Or jam, or toast crumbs, till I look
Like I'm an afternoon tea?

This one is a cheat. It's a limerick, but I didn't notice that till I got home.

Pomegranates aren't food
So much as mess in potentia;
They're almost all seed
And thus really not fruit
And I'm sorry I had thirty sent to ya.

Commentary post-hack: Man, I sucked. It's really hard not to edit these.