Stay Out Super-Late Tonight ([info]copperbadge) wrote,
@ 2009-02-14 21:31:00
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Oh, I almost forgot...

I have now seen every episode of NCIS except for that one where the file was corrupted (Jimmy Palmer: Crimestopper!). But I failed to do Three Things. In lieu of Three Things About NCIS, I now present to you my Abstract on the Interpersonal Relationships of NCIS. Ready?

Gibbs and Abby have been having kinky bondage-themed sex the whole time, possibly since about two hours after she was hired. At some point in season five Gibbs (with her permission, natch) picked Tony up on the side because he just couldn't bear seeing Tony pine for him anymore (long-distance D/s while Tony was Agent Afloat = plus!). Tony does pine for Gibbs and always has, but doesn't actually think he himself is gay. Which is hilarious because when not pining for Gibbs he's pulling McGee's pigtails and ignoring it whenever Ziva pointedly touches him with her boobs. Which she does a lot, it's kind of weird.

McGee, canonically involved with Abby at one point, broke up with her when he came out and is probably going to get Tony in the end though I doubt he knows this yet (he has no actual choice in the matter, I'm afraid). Gibbs and Ducky had a wayward fling at some point in their past but are now Just Friends, leaving Ducky open to serially and continually land absurdly good looking women. Jimmy probably just dates cute girls who are nice and fun until they find out what he does for a living and then usually they dump him.

Ziva thinks a lot about Tony and Gibbs together and otherwise makes mediocre sexual choices with strangers, but probably slept with Jenny at least once. I think she and Jimmy would actually make an incredibly awesome couple if she could just stop touching Tony with her boobs.

Sidenote: Is there anyone creepier than Ziva's dad? No, there's not. Brr.

In short: everyone is bisexual except Tony, who is so far in the closet he actually doesn't know he's gay despite really enjoying it when Gibbs gets all up in his personal space, and McGee, who has to be semi-closeted even though all his friends know because he works for the Navy.

But the one true, passionate, epic romance of NCIS is Gibbs/Abby, and the single most canonically-evident ship is Abby/Caffeine.

The End.

(60 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]cobweb_diamond
2009-02-15 03:44 am UTC (link)
you speak the truth. gibbs/abby is hot but creepy & paternal, but i'm good with that because those are my feelings on Mark Harmon in general.
i remember reading somewhere that for the first season they were writing it to gear later episodes towards a gibbs/abby relationship, but then decided in season two that a father/daughter dynamic would be better, which i guess is probably why they come off as so weird (but awesome) on the show.

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[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 04:10 am UTC (link)
Man, that is AWESOME, because I figured nobody would ever admit that Gibbs/Abby was even a possibility (Gibbs/Todd, I could see them ramping up for).

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]fiveforsilver, 2009-02-15 04:21 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]blue_ant, 2009-02-15 02:36 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]fiveforsilver, 2009-02-15 03:19 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]blue_ant, 2009-02-15 03:29 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]fiveforsilver, 2009-02-15 03:35 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]blue_ant, 2009-02-15 03:42 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]fiveforsilver, 2009-02-15 04:22 am UTC (Expand)

[info]jtptan
2009-02-16 12:57 pm UTC (link)
Hahaha that makes so much SENSE!!

OT: where is your icon from?

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]cobweb_diamond, 2009-02-16 01:17 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]jtptan, 2009-02-16 01:22 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]glass_icarus
2009-02-15 03:47 am UTC (link)
okay, i don't even watch NCIS that often, but i am laughing so hard right now because as far as i can tell, you are RIGHT ON EVERY COUNT! :D

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 04:10 am UTC (link)
Of course I am! This is based on trufax observation :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]iambickilometer
2009-02-15 03:50 am UTC (link)
Is it really full of that much interpersonal awesome? I may have to watch this NCIS after all, just to see what everyone's talking about.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 04:09 am UTC (link)
The sad thing is, it isn't really. It's a good show but after a while I realised that the show I was watching was mostly in my own head and only tangentially related to the show they had created. :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]iambickilometer, 2009-02-15 04:22 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]slice254, 2009-02-15 06:20 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]merrilily, 2009-02-15 03:15 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]hedgerose
2009-02-15 08:43 am UTC (link)
...you know that's what I'm going to get you to watch eventually. I can totally hook you up some Friday in the near future. :)

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]iambickilometer, 2009-02-15 07:21 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]twirlynoodle
2009-02-15 03:55 am UTC (link)
... and McGee, who has to be semi-closeted even though all his friends know because he works for the Navy.

Until my critical thinking skills kicked in, I totally understood that as 'his friends know he's gay because he works for the Navy.' And while navies have a bit of a Reputation, I'm guessing that's not what you meant. :)

I can now add NCIS to the list of 'Everything I Know About [show X] I Learned From Sam's Three Things.'

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 04:09 am UTC (link)
And trust me, the above? Is all you need to know in this particular case :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]twirlynoodle, 2009-02-15 04:22 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]copperbadge, 2009-02-15 02:55 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]twirlynoodle, 2009-02-15 06:27 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]copperbadge, 2009-02-15 06:46 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]kayloulee
2009-02-15 04:07 am UTC (link)
I just watched NCIS last night, and all I can say is HELL YES. To all of that.

(Reply to this)


[info]crazedcrusader
2009-02-15 04:49 am UTC (link)
I happen to have Jimmy Palmer: Crimestopper on my hard drive if you want it!

Also: Yes. Very much with the yes.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 05:28 am UTC (link)
I'm okay not seeing it, thank you though! :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]moonpupy
2009-02-15 05:26 am UTC (link)

nononononononono

Gibbs/Abby? no
Tony/McGee? no
Ziva/anybody? no
Jimmy/anybody? no - the only reason he had Lee was because she was dirty.
Gibbs/Ducky? probably in the past.
Abby/McGee? canon yes.
Gibbs/Tony? yes, oh, yes.
Kate/Abby? yes, oh, yes.
Kate/anybody else? yes, as long as they realized that she only took it up the *ss so she could remain a good Catholic girl and wear white at her wedding.

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[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 05:28 am UTC (link)
Jimmy/anybody? no - the only reason he had Lee was because she was dirty.

I am so confused by everything in this statement.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
(no subject) - [info]exuberantself, 2009-02-15 08:43 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]siliconshaman, 2009-02-15 12:33 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]tychoish
2009-02-15 05:28 am UTC (link)
I'm pro Gibbs/Tony, but that's just me. I'm a bit behind... but that's nothing new.

I'd love to see what you'd do with criminal minds, by the way.

(Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

[info]tychoish
2009-02-15 05:34 am UTC (link)
By which I mean, I've never really thought about any ships in criminal minds where it's much more subtle than NCIS, though I think the amount of shear fuckedupedness in that show makes it all the more interesting.

Reed/Hotch anyone?

sorry for derailing...

(Reply to this) (Parent)
(no subject) - [info]copperbadge, 2009-02-15 02:18 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]tychoish, 2009-02-15 06:34 pm UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]copperbadge, 2009-02-15 07:03 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]settiai
2009-02-15 05:53 am UTC (link)
... yes, that pretty much sums up the interpersonal relationships on NCIS perfectly.

(Reply to this)


[info]pocky_slash
2009-02-15 06:34 am UTC (link)
A++++ post! I only watch NCIS tangentially, the way I watch most dead body shows (I will watch anything with a dead body), but this is the only way their fucked up relationships with each other make any sense.

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[info]elsajeni
2009-02-15 05:48 pm UTC (link)
I will watch anything with a dead body

I'm so glad I'm not the only one with this policy.

(Reply to this) (Parent)
(no subject) - [info]ataralas, 2009-02-15 07:28 pm UTC (Expand)

[info]never_ender
2009-02-15 06:34 am UTC (link)
I am pro gibbs/abby, I totally ship them with no shame.

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[info]copperbadge
2009-02-15 02:14 pm UTC (link)
As is right and proper!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]blairprovence
2009-02-15 06:49 am UTC (link)
I'm pro Gibbs/1st Season Abby, who seems, to me, to be a bit more of a grownup that she seems in later seasons. That's probably not the right way to phrase it - I like her a lot - but they seem to match better first season. I also feel like Gibbs matches Kate better that season, too. Maybe it's just that Gibbs becomes such a grumpy old man in later seasons....Hmmm.

Your Tony is a perfect characterization of the on-screen DiNozzo. And your Ziva, when she finds out about the love rhombus going on around her, would say, in an exasperated tone, "Americans!"

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[info]kaimu_art
2009-02-15 07:06 am UTC (link)
So would Abby/Caffeine/Jack be possible? (Incidentally I'm reminded of a fandom-secret of Gibbs being an older version of Jack)

NCIS is a show where I'm all about the threesomes, it's a show that was made for it.

(Reply to this)


[info]alexandralynch
2009-02-15 07:44 am UTC (link)
Cute. And yeah, pretty much.

Tony really strikes me as a version of a friend of mine, whose honest attitude toward sex is, "sex is like pizza; even when it's not great, it's still pretty good" and he is SO bi. And he's even grown out of being a defensive asshole about it, most days.

It is so made for threesomes, and someday I will probably write some fic in that fandom.

(Reply to this)


[info]exuberantself
2009-02-15 08:42 am UTC (link)
I'm pretty sure Abby and Ducky also had a night early on, probably before she devoted herself fully to Gibbs, but long after Caf-Pow had won her heart forever.

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[info]fizzylizard
2009-02-15 02:22 pm UTC (link)
I can't quite see that.

On the other hand, I can definitely see him knowing about any and all of the various sexual things Abby gets up to - because Ducky knows everything - and discreetly not mentioning it because that's just a touch ungentlemanly of him.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]doozer7787
2009-02-15 12:36 pm UTC (link)
this post is love. Especially when I am awake at seven am for no reason whatsoever.

(Reply to this)


[info]siliconshaman
2009-02-15 12:40 pm UTC (link)
Gibbs/Tony, maybe but not sexually... like you say, he's so far into the closet, he's in Narnia!

Gibbs/Abby .. he wants to, she wants him too, but he thinks it'd be an abuse of trust/power plus there's whole father/daughter dynamic with them...so Abby ends up sexually frustrated and humping her lab gear on the sly!

Gibbs/Ducky, I think they thought about long ago, and are now Just Good Friends

Abby/Kate .. oh hell yeah!

Ziva/Anyone ... I figure she's more into random one night stands with total strangers. Safer that way.

Gibbs/Jenny ... of course.

Jenny/Tony .. possibly, until he went undercover and made the mistake of falling in love.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]skalja
2009-02-16 04:13 am UTC (link)
Gibbs/Tony, maybe but not sexually... like you say, he's so far into the closet, he's in Narnia!

I am soooo glad I was not drinking something. A+!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]isaluna
2009-02-15 03:53 pm UTC (link)
I'm pretty much pro Gibbs/Everyone. But definately pro Gibbs/Tony and DEFINATELY Pro Gibbs/Abby. Which is odd, because before you mentioned it in some previous post, I was content to go along with the father/daughter relationship. But now I see innuendo everywhere. And Tony/Gibbs I've always seen. He's so eager for Gibbs' approval in everything.

I do disagree with Tony not being bisexual, though. I think he is so far in the closet about maybe liking men, too, but keep in mind that Ziva is the only woman whose advances he's ever rebuffed.

Puts a little twist on that episode where he kisses that transvestite.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-16 03:26 am UTC (link)
There is so much Gibbs/Abby innuendo, it's ABSURD. I just rewatched the episode where the obsessed fan of McGee's book tried to kill Abby, and literally it goes:

Abby: *is threatened*
Gibbs: I AM GOING TO DESTROY THIS ASSHOLE.
Abby: *is now safe*
Gibbs: OMG ABBY ARE YOU OK *HUGZOR*
Abby: I'm okay but with the amount of bad guys chasing me I feel like I'm dating Spiderman.
Gibbs: *long significant look*
Gibbs' brain: She just called me Spiderman. Is that a good thing? I know nothing about Spiderman. But he's a good guy, right?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]imkalena
2009-02-15 06:59 pm UTC (link)
Which explains a lot about why Abby is the only person on the show Gibbs has any respect for besides Ducky.

Admittedly I've only seen the whole of season 1 and random eps of S4, but it seems like that carried through down the line. I saw the random S4 first and went back, and S1 Gibbs' crappy treatment of everybody on his team (except Abby and Ducky) almost turned me off the show completely. I still haven't exactly raced out to get S2.

After I saw S1, I understood all the D/s fic. I mean, he's practically got a foot on each of their necks already. *counts up feet*

(Reply to this)


[info]skalja
2009-02-16 04:20 am UTC (link)
- For some reason I have a lot of trouble buying Gibbs/Abby unless they're in a threesome with Tony. But in that case I REALLY buy it.
- Tony, I don't see as gay so much as bi (maybe leaning more towards guys) and so sub he can breathe underwater. (Hey, that explains his stunt in Requiem!)
- Oh, and my theory is that Gibbs and Tony were converging on each other in the early seasons, but then Gibbs blew it when he was a giant stupidhead and went to Mexico, and now Tony and McGee are circling each other obliviously. Because chatting up your partner online while pretending to be a girl is SO heterosexual, DiNozzo. Yeah. *eyeroll*
- I suspect that dear Jimmy Palmer is actually pretty kinky ... but, you know, not necrophiliac kinky. None of that Pimmy Jalmer stuff.
- I really liked Ziva's radioactive boyfriend. *sniff*
- Ducky gets the hottest girls. The end.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]copperbadge
2009-02-16 03:32 pm UTC (link)
Tony is the subbiest sub who ever let someone tie him up. :D At least for Gibbs.

I liked Ziva's radioactive boyfriend too! Though I totally thought he was going to be her brother from another mother. :D

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)
(no subject) - [info]skalja, 2009-02-22 06:37 am UTC (Expand)
(no subject) - [info]copperbadge, 2009-02-22 11:44 am UTC (Expand)

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